Adopting is usually a long process, so make sure you have thought about it thoroughly before making any commitment. Taking a child who has been hurt or let down into your own home can be problematic. Prepare yourself as much as possible right from the moment you first think about adoption, and consider the following points:
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Find out as much as you can about the reality of adoption, by reading articles, books, and meeting other adopters. Find out about child development and child care, and try to gain experience by getting involved in toddler groups or play-schemes.
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Be realistic about the type of children you feel you could care for, and whether or not you could meet their needs. Self-select yourself into adoption, or out of it if you find it's not for you. Being an adoptive parent is not the same as being an auntie or uncle. The responsibility is yours.
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Select your adoption agency very carefully - consider if their criteria is right for you. Agencies vary in what they're looking for in an adoptive family. Also consider the experience that agency has, what preparation for adoption they offer, how many adoptions they arrange, what after-adoption support you're likely to receive, how experienced their social workers are, and whether or not less-experienced social workers are supervised and supported by more experienced ones.
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Think carefully about the questions you are asked, it will help you understand what adoption is about and whether it's right for you at this stage in your life.
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Build up trust with the person who will be assessing you. When prospective adopters are filling out adoption forms, the tendency is to try to come across as the perfect family, when in reality nothing is ever perfect. You need to feel safe enough to divulge sensitive matters about your past, which may include difficulties and sadness. You will need to trust your social worker to present you and your circumstances and put you forward in such a way that does you justice and brings out the best in you.
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Make sure it feels right. Don't feel pressured into accepting the first child, or any child. Discuss your concerns with your social worker or their manager. You have a right to say no.
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It is vital to get support from your social worker and other parents of adopted children, as you will be looking after children who have suffered separation or loss, in some cases abuse, and have been hurt. Some people find it difficult to ask for support in case it implies that they're not coping, but it's always better to ask than end up in a situation you can't cope with.
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Don't be reluctant to ask about financial support. Stability is vital for the child, and this means that one or both parents will need to spend a great deal of time at home with them, especially during the settling in period. This can have massive implications on your financial circumstances, so you should get things sorted out from the start.
