The list below tells you the kinds of things we're looking for - it's not in any specific order. Don't worry, we know nobody is perfect, but you're likely to meet some of the criteria.
Adoptive parents should:
- be committed
- be enthusiastic
- be flexible
- be stable
- be inclusive - willing to take on anything a child brings into the family from their past, to be accepting and non-judgmental about events that may have involved birth parents, to be able to offer understanding and support about a child's past
- have enough living space to accommodate a new member of the family
- have good support networks of family and friends
- be responsive
- be good listeners
- be able to demonstrate empathy
- be consistent in their behaviour and able to be firm when necessary
- be reliable - people who do what they say they'll do
- be honest - about themselves, their own circumstances and feelings
- be able to communicate well, particularly with children
- be creative - people who are positive and able to look for solutions to problems, whether emotional, physical or practical, rather than seeing them as stumbling blocks, for example, finding new activities for children
- be able to stick at things - have another go if the last attempt fails
- be open to helping children reach whatever potential they have, rather than imposing their own views on what that should be. Adopted children often try desperately hard to please so that they can be loved. They will try and do something because they think the adoptive parent would like them to achieve it, rather than because they want to. If they fail, they're likely to get angry or sad
- be capable of putting other people's needs before their own. Children coming into a new home will need a great deal of time, energy and affection, rather like a newborn child. Adoptive parents need to be ready to give up their own activities for months, possibly years. It can be more difficult than it seems as often prospective adopters, if they have no children of their own, will have developed widespread networks of family and friends. The children won't fit around a busy social life as their needs must come first. The crucial thing for couples is the balance of support in the relationship, so that each partner can keep the other going.
