This week Alan Kendrick celebrated his 60th birthday. After 37 years of marriage, he considers himself blessed, with a daughter Sarah, aged 36, four grandchildren and a great grandchild.
But just fifteen years ago, when Alan was working in logistics and his wife Rita was a top commercial florist, their life changed forever.
Rita was diagnosed with Primary Progressive Degenerative Multiple Sclerosis (PPDMS).
Experts said the illness would develop gradually over a period of 15 to 30 years. In reality it took just three.
For four years Alan, of Marsh Green, coped, starting his day at 5am, juggling 12 hours on the road before coming home to look after Rita. Eventually the pressure took its toll. He reached breaking point.
But in his darkest hour, he remembered his vows and his incredibly brave wife. The devoted husband decided to park up his truck for the last time and retired to look after Rita.
As he says: “Who else could take care of her? There is no-one on the planet who loves her more than I do.”
A decade ago Rita became quadriplegic, unable to move any part of her body from the neck down. She can’t eat or swallow and is fed five times a day through a tube inserted in her stomach.
She is also diabetic so her blood must be checked throughout the day, combined with four insulin injections
Says Alan: “Rita can’t speak, she is registered blind. She’s blessed with short term memory loss, so each day is different as she can’t remember what happened the day before. But her eyes tell the story.
“The hardest part of my life is walking downstairs every morning to see if my beautiful Rita is still breathing. Every morning before I enter Rita’s bedroom, I say the Carers’ Prayer and it gives me strength:
“God, I know that nothing is going to happen today that you and I together can not handle.”
Happier times... on their wedding day in 1972.
Now this remarkable man is heavily involved in promoting and raising awareness of carers’ issues and is one of the founders of the Crossroads Carer Support Group (CCSG). He is also Chair of the Carers Forum and Vice Chair of Wigan and Leigh Friends of Young Carers.
Alan says: “Our group is very special. It’s a mutual appreciation society. The Carers Forum makes things better for carers.
“Crossroads Carer Support Group is a borough wide charity which was set up four years ago. We now have ten committee members, 300 full members and have given 65,000 hours respite for carers.”
Alan also receives support through the direct payment scheme which allows people to ‘buy’ their own social care. With this money he personally trained and recruited four staff to allow him to attend carers meetings.
“Before Rita became so ill, we made a promise to each other that the illness would not take over.
“And we would keep our life as normal as possible.
“We had always loved caravanning and eight years ago I joined the caravan and camping club, renovated a touring caravan and now we enjoy many a weekend touring all over the UK. It’s a very important part of our life.”
Did you know?
There are 6 million carers nationwide.
In Wigan borough alone there are 47,000 known carers – almost 1 in 6 of the borough’s population.
This figure probably underestimates the true number as many people don’t see themselves as carers just because they are looking after a loved one.
There are 175,000 young carers in the UK under the age of 18.
PUTTING PEOPLE FIRST
Social care is being transformed across the UK to give increased choice and flexibility. Individual assessments help the council to understand what level of care ‘package’ is best for clients’ needs.
Once individual assessments have taken place, a team of experts will be on hand to deliver your own personal care package that’s specifically designed for you, by you.
Here to help:
Your first point of contact for social care should be the Central Duty Team on 01942 828 777.
For additional help and support call the carers’ helpline on 01942 606 086 or 07807 210 9134. You can also email CSG Support or log on to Crossroads Carer Support Group (external link) for details.
