So it is for the estimated half million people suffering dementia, an incurable loss of brain function, memory or understanding.
And this is what has happened to the father of the borough’s mayor, Cllr Mark Aldred.
John Aldred, a proud family man well known in Atherton for his Christmas turn as Santa, just had no idea who the figure looking back at him from his living room mirror was.
Cllr Aldred has chosen to make dementia support the Mayor’s Charity during his term as first citizen this year. “It’s very personal to my family,” he says.
“But from meeting others at places like the Heathside day centre in Leigh, I know how dementia touches so many people and I want to help.”
Cllr Aldred’s mother Hilary has become a full time carer for her husband. At the age of 66, John has vascular dementia and doesn’t recognise his own sons if he hasn’t seen them for a couple of days.
“There’s always a downhill difference,” says Cllr Aldred. “If I don’t see him for a day or two, it’s so noticeable.”
Happy days... a young Mark Aldred with his parents John and Hilary.
The Mayor is quietly passionate that it is his duty to help. “People feel obliged, when it’s family,” he says. “Looking after a loved one who can’t repay them for their support is very common, and exhausting.
“I really don’t want to personalise things too much, but if I can use my mayoral year to heighten awareness and even raise some funds, then it will be a comfort to all those who are touched by dementia.”
Borough residents with dementia and their families are already set to get more support as Wigan is one of a handful of councils chosen to pioneer a new way of helping sufferers.
The borough will get its own specialist advisor who will act as a guide to people with dementia and their families, providing easy access to care, support and advice.
The service will be provided by the Alzheimer’s Society.
Cllr Keith Cunliffe, council cabinet member for older people, says: “Often when someone is told they or a loved one has dementia they feel powerless, frightened and uncertain.
“The advisor will get in touch and explain just what help is out there and how to get it.”
A memory service has also been set up, initially in Wigan and Leigh, to ensure early diagnosis and medical treatment. It is a partnership between the council, NHS Ashton Leigh and Wigan, the Five Boroughs Specialist Mental Health Trust and the ‘Clouds’ Dementia Training organisation.
“I was so happy for my father to tell me he was proud of me becoming mayor,” adds Cllr Aldred.
“But when he struggles to recognise me, it is hard. It’s good that services for sufferers and their families are improving. People deserve it.”
Dementia is one of the main causes of disability in later life, ahead of some cancers, cardiovascular disease and stroke.
There are many different types of dementia, of which the best known is Alzheimer's disease – where small clumps of protein, known as plaques, begin to develop around brain cells, disrupting the normal workings of the brain. About one in 20 people over 65 has dementia. There is no cure for the condition, although there is treatment that can slow down its progress.
For more information tel: 01942 724910 or visit Alzheimers (external link)
